Brock with the .44 Magnum on Flickr.
Spelunking with Nero on Flickr.
Camping with Nero and Darren on Flickr.
Lunar Eclipse on Flickr.
The Moon, Spica, and Mars
The Kona Lottery Announcements came out today. I was never lucky at gambling, and this was no different. I won’t be racing in Hawaii this year. I won’t be spending another six months alone sweating through the miles.
I am obsessed with triathlon right now. I’ve been training hard for Ironman Texas most of this year, to the expense of everything else in my life. With just over 4 weeks until race day, and the long mileage build completed last week, I feel very good about racing my first 140.6. The whole endeavor is still a ridiculous thing, but I have put in the miles, and it doesn’t seem so insurmountable anymore. A sub 12 hour race is conceivable. I dare say I am even looking forward to it.
I had gotten myself excited about the possibility of Kona. Extending the massive training volume required to make the Ironman distance would have been a great excuse to keep neglecting other responsibilities, hopes, and dreams for a while longer.
I am a bore to talk to lately. I ramble about triathlons, and I don’t engage others to find what their passions are. I feel guilty being so single minded. I fear I am lacking that mythical balance in life.
I am dismayed by triathlon, though I love it very much. I long to be the best. But realistically, I am another middle aged man having a mid life crisis in the form of an individual competition that weeds out youth and talent through complex training and expensive gear requirements. I will never be the best at this. I will never get to the higher levels of competition, the levels I fear that if I don’t reach I will be a failure.
I will keep training hard for a while longer. After completing a full Ironman, I will go to the Age Group Olympic distance National Championships and get beaten thoroughly. And then I will no longer have the excuse to spend so much of my time training. Maybe then, I will realize the balance I am searching for is just an acceptance of what I do with my short life. I know I will continue to struggle against those feelings that I should always be doing something more, something better, something bigger.
Not winning the lottery is neither a good thing or a bad thing. It shapes what I will focus on for the next six months, but I will have to find peace with what I spend my time doing no matter what it is that I do.